(Review) Gumback Express: Mind the Gap!

I find certain things...sounds, tastes, feelings...to be absolutely grating.  Like the smell and taste of celery.  Most find it crisp, refreshing, and a perfect companion to a full set of buffalo wings.  To me, it smells and tastes like I'm eating glue covered paper and to be quite honest, makes me want to vomit.  That also counts for the sound of styrofoam squeaking together, strobe lights, and this bizarre fear of puppetronics (I puked once while watching an episode of Pee Wee's Playhouse as a kid and haven't really been able to stomach them since).  All of these things drive me absolutely insane!  We all have those little quirks, and I have quite a few.  Those weird things that make us tick and those weird things that people find interesting or downright annoying.

Sometimes while at work, I'll find some customers staring down the lotions as if they were sprouting mushrooms right out of the pots.  "Looking for a new lotion?" I'll say, casually strolling over to them with a smile on my face.  "Oh no," they'll say, shaking their head and smiling.  "I never use lotion!"  And it's during that interaction where I'll feel my smile get a little tighter and the right corner of my eye seize up in a minuscule twitch.  Another one of my pet peeves.  I, for the life of me, absolutely CAN'T understand how people don't use lotion after a shower.  That tight, itchy feeling my skin gets after a shower has me scrambling for my Charity Pot once I've toweled myself dry.  And with the cold weather on the way, it's only going to get worse.  That's why I always find myself upping the moisture game when it comes to my shower wash to help!

A now discontinued item, Bossman managed to snag one of these and after deciding it wasn't for him, gave it to me instead.  Such a generous man that Bossman is.  I believe his exact words were "do you want this?  I think it smells like dog food."  And to clarify, it doesn't smell like dog food.  However I did have my reservations, as this shower smoothie was banana scented, and I'm not too hot on bananas.

But after one whiff, I decided I enjoyed the scent, smelling more like the sweet almond bread my dear Mama Llama will sometimes make for me when I go home for a visit.  A lot more liquidy than the normal shower smoothies like Turkish Delight and Dreamwash, Gumback Express not only smelled like almond bread, but looked exactly like it (in batter form at least).  And due to the liquid form, I was a bit confused as to the best way to use it.  Should I put it on a loofah?  Dump it on the parts that need a good scrubbing?  Put it in a bread pan and bake at 350 for 25 minutes?  Well I tried the first bit at least and found the ground almond shells got stuck in the netting, so that ended quite quick.  The best way for me to use this interesting product was to scoop a bit in my hand and rub it on, giving myself the benefits of a great moisturizing scrub and a wash as well!

While this shower smoothie made me feel super luxurious and soft, I found that sweet almond bread scent had a bit of an after scent as well (like after taste, you know?  Is after scent even a thing?  Because if it isn't I'm making it a thing as of riiiiiight...now).  I noticed the scent on my skin soon went a bit off, as if it went a bit sour.  That could've been what Bossman had been talking about, and I could definitely see where it would deter him.  But as someone who soon butters themself up with lotion after a shower, I didn't think too much of it.

And overall, Gumback Express definitely made me feel soft and clean, and that itchy, dry and tight feeling I get after getting out of the shower and patting dry was nowhere near as intense as it had been in the past.  However, that afterscent is still something that deters me a bit, so I'm a bit conflicted as to whether I would use it again.  But if this smoothie ever makes a return via the Kitchen, I suggest picking up a pot (and resisting the urge to bake it in an oven!)

**Gumback Express is certified Vegan

(Review) Don't Look At Me: Da Ba Dee Da Ba Die

If there's one part of my life that I'm glad is over, it's the ravages of puberty.  Once in a while I'll reflect on my teen years and remember the frizzy hair, the braces, the odd paunch of baby fat here and there, but most importantly, I remember the acne.  While my skin wasn't nearly as bad as some of my friends, it was still bad enough for me to be embarrassed by it.  I remember gazing in the mirror after washing my face in the morning, seeing what new hellish red abominations had popped up onto my face as I slept.  My mom, ever vigilant on my skincare routine (I largely credit her with my obsession with it, as well as my good skin!) had me try everything, from products high end to end of the line, antibiotics, prescription creams, even the vile smelling Proactiv line.  While some products worked temporarily, nothing was ever a permanent fix.  Only when I was out of high school and a year or two older did my skin start to clear up.

Now that high school is a distant memory covered in scene kid hair extensions. old Hot Topic t-shirts, and more regrets than I care to count, my skin for the most part is clear and pristine.  Every so often I'll get a few breakouts here and there, but nothing too terrible.  But this past week, when I woke up bright and early for work, I took one look in the mirror and was shocked to find breakouts everywhere!

Don't Look at Me is one of two new fresh face masks available from Lush (in-store only!).  Inspired by the (really really bizarre) song of the same name by the band The Lovely Eggs (eggs are quite lovely, aren't they?), Don't Look At Me is an obscenely bright blue mask that smells remarkably like tomato salsa (a good thing, because who in their right mind doesn't like salsa!?).  Described as "Cupcake mask for grown ups," Don't Look At Me has tons of lemon juice in it to brighten, cleanse, and soak up oil, kaolin to clean out what ails your skin, and ground rice for some awesome scrubby action.

I couldn't believe my skin's timing with the release of these once Oxford Street exclusives, so I snagged five black pots from my garbage bag full of empties (no I'm not joking) and snagged one after my shift.  During a long luxurious bath, I cracked open the pot, scooped out the refreshingly blue goop, and slathered my skin with a good coat of it.  Being in a hot bath, this cooled me right down and I sunk back with my book and let the mask do its task. 

Apologies for the derp face

Now, a little prior history about my skin.  It's mainly combo-dry, but in the humid climate where I dwell during summer, it gets much more oily, especially on my forehead.  My breakouts are usually hormonal and are centered around my nose and cheeks, but every so often I'll get a painful cystic bump on my chin (you know...for fun).  When I'm talking about how I had a massive breakout, I'm talking all of the above seemed to have hit me overnight (again...for fun!).  When the mask was about 75% dry, I splashed my face with water and massaged the ground rice into my skin before finally rinsing my skin clean and patting it dry.  When I wiped the remaining bits of blue away, I actually remember stepping back from the mirror a bit and letting out a Fonz-esque " 'eyyyyyyyyy" when looking at my skin!  While Don't Look at Me didn't make everything disappear, I could tell a HUGE difference when it came to my red, broken out skin!  The tone and texture of my skin was more even and bright, and the red areas were a tad more dulled down.  This made me extremely happy, as red breakouts on my pale skin stick out like crazy, and cause me quite a bit of embarrassment, even when makeup or color correcting can't cover it.  

Pretty sure if you threw compounder Dan in a pit with my coworkers, they'd all be fighting over him.  We have a thing for beards at my shop ;)

Overall, Don't Look at Me after one use became my all time favorite fresh mask.  I've used it twice more since that first time and each time I've been blown away with my skin after I wash it away.  While I do love the bright blue color, the only downside to it I feel is that if you have any dried skin on your face, the pigment kind of gets absorbed by it so you have some dull blue looking flecks of skin.  I feel as though it's good for any skin type, although you might want to be careful if you're sensitive, since the lemon oil might be a bit much.  The ground rice made for a gentle but effective scrub and the fresh scent was an added bonus to the near miraculous power of this mask.  After using this mask, I think you'll all be saying...DO...look at me!  Am I RIGHT?!

...terrible jokes are awesome!

 *** Don't Look At Me is certified Vegan