I've always been indifferent towards Valentine's Day, mainly because my love life has been dead in the water since my last relationship ended in 2009 and I've never kept a relationship around long enough for Valentine's Day anyways. But this year I've been strangely reflective, especially with all of the pink and red products donning the refurnished wooden tables at my Lush shop. As I stood behind the register, ringing up customers buying last minute gifts for their sweeties, hunger gnawing at my belly (I treated myself to a romantic breakfast of potato chips from yesterday's Panera Bread lunch), I noticed a lot of couples in line, smiling, kissing, snuggling each other close on what was arguably one of the coldest days of the year, and instead of wrinkling my nose and being the bitter pill that I am, it got me thinking about my own dead love life...and my own loneliness.
There have only been two times in my life where I've felt crippling, depressing loneliness. Once when I was a stupid teenager, hormonal and angry and taking it out on the person I cared about the most, driving him and most of my friends away, and when I first moved away from home. I remember during that time thinking that if someone hugged me, I would probably burst into tears. Talking to your friends and family on the phone isn't the same as seeing them in person, and being able to hug them. I remember my limbs feeling heavy, and just wanting someone, anyone to look at me and pay attention to me. Now, a few years later and a few years wiser (and a lot more gray hair and student loan debt), I've sworn to never let myself feel that horrible again. Because I don't deserve that. So one night, when I felt myself inching closer to that edge and feeling like I was in a crowded room screaming bloody murder without nary a glance, I decided to take a nice, soothing soak.
I almost had to laugh at the irony of Lonely Heart bubble bar being my favorite product in the Valentine's Day range. It was inspired by the song "Lonely Hearts Still Beat the Same" by a band called The Research, which I think is an absolutely beautiful song title. The fragrance is from the B-Side rarities of the Gorilla Perfume range, scented with the Love perfume. Its notes are composed of Bergamot, Lemongrass, Jasmine, and Rose, which made for a refreshing and slightly floral scent. It's a scent I immediately fell for! So after a contemplative day about a side of my life I like to ignore, a 60 hour work week (oye!) and a roommate who is out of town for the weekend, I filled up my tub and crumbled this baby in. It took a lot of work (this bubble bar is surprisingly sturdy!) to crumble it under the tepid tap water.
...wait...tepid? That's not right...baths are supposed to be hot! So to my annoyance, my apartment's water heater was crapping out, so back and forth from the kitchen to the bathroom I scuttled with a boiling kettle of water to further heat my lukewarm soak. After four kettlefuls, my water was nice and pleasantly warm without being scalding hot, and I sank into my fruit punch colored, gold flecked bath, and forgot all of my troubles with a box of truffles and a good book. The scent was HEAVENLY. The combination is something I would've never thought of, and I can only hope that Lush releases the Love perfume one day again (well, one can only hope!).
Overall, Lonely Heart bubble bar was fantastic. My only gripe lies with my building's water heater, which crapped out and left me working hard for a relaxing bath. But taking that moment to myself was nice, and it helped me relax and remember that I have many loving people in my life, and that I should be thankful for them, and maybe talk to them a little more. But I guess we can all get a little lonely now and again, even surrounded by those we love. I like to think loneliness like that is a journey to discovering what and who we have in our lives. If you're lonely right now, that's okay! We've all been there, and most likely we'll all be there again! But there's one thing I like to keep in mind, especially with this bubble bar's name.
When he left me heartbroken and crying in the driveway of that house almost ten years ago, my heart beat the same. When I moved away from home for the first time and cried on the elevator ride all the way up to my first apartment, my heart beat the same. In moments of doubt, sadness, and stress, my heart beat the same. And now, surrounded by loved ones, friends, coworkers, and over 2500 blog followers, my heart beat the same as it did all those years ago. Even in rare moments of loneliness and insecurity, it beats the same. Every heart, lonely or lovestricken beats the same. It's what keeps us connected, it's what makes us human, and it's what makes us wonder if we're ever truly alone in the way we feel in the first place. And that, my darlings, is a very reassuring thought.
**Lonely Hearts bubble bar is certified Vegan